


what about us?

by chxrylblossom



Series: i’m standing where the lightning strikes, i know this doesn’t happen twice [1]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: A bit AU, Choni Angst, Choni Drabbles, F/F, Fluffy, break ups, choni, choni one shots, one shots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-02-29 04:17:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18771043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chxrylblossom/pseuds/chxrylblossom
Summary: “i love you, toni, i do , but… but i love jason too. please don’t make me choose which one of you i can keep.”“why, because you’ll choose him?”the question hangs in the air, stifling and heavy, and pressing down on the both of them.cheryl blinks, swallowing harshly, and glancing to the door, almost as if she expects jason to walk right through it any moment. then she offers a shaky smile, eyes teary as she turns to look at toni again. a quiet exhale leaves her lips. “yeah, toni. i… i’ll choose him.”ortoni loves cheryl, and cheryl loves the farm. or more accurately, she loves jason. what extent is toni willing to go to save her from their cultish ways?orliterally a two part one shot





	1. if you walk out that door, we’re through

**Author's Note:**

> this one shot takes place instead of the locker room scene in 3x18, and is based off the prompt:  
> “walk out that door, and we’re through”

 

“What exactly are you trying to say, mon trésor?”

 

“Cheryl, I’m saying that you can't keep going back to the farm!” Toni runs an exasperated hand over her face, breathing out a sharp breath of desperation as she stares across the dimly lit room at her girlfriend who’s sitting at her dresser, braiding her hair in the mirror. “I know you want to, babe, I know you want to see Jason, but Cheryl, this is all so fucking messed up and I don’t get how you don’t see that.”

 

Cheryl’s calm, surprisingly so, actually. To date they haven’t had a single argument that hasn’t involved Cheryl screaming her lungs out or breaking down into tears. And yet, here she is, sitting with an eerily relaxed smile on her face, watching Toni in something close to amusement; which just goes to further prove Toni’s point that this is all _so_ wrong. This isn’t the Cheryl that she knows and loves.

 

“Toni, babe, calm down,” Cheryl says softly, finally standing from the dresser and tugging her silk red robe a little tighter around herself. “I’m happy, at the farm. I’m provided for, I’m part of a family, I’m loved… I get to see Jason, and… you could see your parents too, TT, if you’d give it a try.”

 

Swallowing harshly, Toni bites her tongue as she holds herself back from making an impulsive and probably unfairly mean response. The last time she had even attempted to broach the possibility that Jason is a hallucination, courtesy of the drugs the farmies are all but force fed, Cheryl… well she hadn’t taken well to the suggestion. She had refused to talk to Toni for days, and it had very almost ripped them apart.

 

“It isn’t a family, Cheryl, it’s a cult.” Toni pauses, not allowing herself to look to her girlfriend just yet, afraid of what she might see in her dark brown eyes. “The Serpents were a family, even the _Poisons_ were a family. The farm, Cheryl? That isn’t family.”

 

Cheryl’s eyes are angry, when Toni finally looks to her; any trace of the neutral smile that she’s adorned constantly over the last few weeks is completely gone. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. The farm is my family, Toni, and if you stop being so stubborn, they can be yours too.”

 

Toni bites her tongue once more, forcing a sharp breath of air through her teeth. “I know you don’t have a good history with family, babe, I get that. Your parents-”

 

“Don’t bring them into this!” Cheryl snaps, and for a second, in that flare of anger, Toni sees a flash of the very same girl she fell in love with. “I lost everything because of them! Heather, Jason… the only two people who _ever_ loved me before the farm; and Penelope and Clifford tore them away from me. But at the farm? There, they love me. They really do, and that’s more than I can say for most of the people in my life who were _supposed_ to love me. That’s where I should be, with my family. I’ve been alone my whole life, Toni, and now I’m not. I can’t walk away from that.”

 

A tear rolls down Cheryl’s ivory cheek, and Toni wants nothing more than to run over and kiss it away, wrap Cheryl in her arms and soothe her until they’re okay again. But… she can’t let this go on any longer. She can’t let Cheryl keep at this game of _pretend_ , playing house with Edgar Evernever.

 

“ _I_ love you, Cheryl,” she says, eventually, wetting her lips anxiously and folding her arms across her chest. She’s doing her very best to hold back her tears, but to little avail, and her eyes sting painfully from the effort. “Don’t you see that? I’m right here, and _I_ love you.”

 

Cheryl shakes her head, pressing the palms of her hands into her eyes to keep the now rapidly falling tears at bay. “I know, Toni! I love you, too. And you can be a part of the farm. A part of my family,” Cheryl repeats, as though it’s a mantra that she must keep repeating in order to believe it. “It can be our-”

 

“They’re not family!” Toni all but growls. “I used to think the serpents were my family, but they weren’t. They kicked me out without a second thought, and that’s not a family. But you? You, cheryl… you’re more than enough for me. You’re the most important person in my life, you’re the only family I need. Not this psycho-run cult!”

 

Cheryl stares blankly at Toni for a moment, eyes vacant, and she’s evidently deep in thought. Toni feels a fleeting moment of hope that _maybe_ she got through to her. “I love you, Toni, I _do_ , but… but I love Jason too. Please don’t make me choose which one of you I can keep.”

 

“Why, because you’ll choose him?”

 

The question hangs in the air, stifling and heavy, and pressing down on the both of them.

 

Cheryl blinks, swallowing harshly, and glancing to the door, almost as if she expects Jason to walk right through it. Then she offers a shaky smile, eyes teary as she turns to look at Toni again. A quiet exhale leaves her lips. “Yeah, Toni. I… I’ll choose him.”

 

Toni’s heart breaks.

 

She knows, she knows how badly Cheryl misses her brother, how desperately she loves him, and god, she could never fault her for that. But he’s _dead._ He’s gone and Toni’s right here. She’s standing in front of Cheryl, laying her heart out before her, and her own girlfriend picks the non-existent ghost of her dead brother. That hurts more than anything.

 

Toni nods her head, swallowing the lump in her throat, squinting slightly to hold back her tears. She doesn’t trust her voice not to betray her, not to crack and break and release all her emotions. She has to get out of here before she says something she’ll regret, before she breaks something that is already _so_ broken, even more. She bites her lip, shaking her head and walking towards the door, hand reaching out for the doorknob and trembling as she does. Her hand closes around it and she yanks it open in one swift motion, a gust of cold air hitting her.

 

“If you walk out that door, we’re through.”

 

Toni freezes, heart clenching in her chest. Surely not… surely Cheryl wouldn’t do this again; not after all that they’ve survived. Doesn’t their battle hold more worth than that?

 

“I swear to god, Toni, if… if you walk out, you’re making me choose whether to follow you or whether to stay with Jason. And if you make me choose, I… if you make me choose, we’re done. Over for good.” Cheryl’s voice is trembling too, and Toni can hear her laboured breathing between each strangled sob.

 

At least this is affecting her too. At least they haven’t taken her completely. At least there’s still a semblance of Toni’s girl in there, to fight for and win back… but right now?

 

Toni swallows and looks up at Cheryl. The girl is a wreck, but Toni’s almost certain she looks worse.

 

She loves her. _So much._ She loves Cheryl more than she’s loved anyone in her life since her parents. But… her love evidently isn’t enough for Cheryl. Isn’t good enough right now.

 

Offering a pained smile, Toni makes her decision. The only plausible one. The only decision that makes _sense._

 

“I love you, Cheryl Blossom.”

 

Toni walks out, and closes the door behind her.


	2. your hypnotic ways are driving me crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> toni meets jason. betty's less annoying than canon for a few seconds. (just kidding i love her).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a part two, of sorts. i kinda don't understand the farm itself... at all... so if bits of this don't add up then i blame the writers for the confusing storylines. okayy enjoy :)

 

Cheryl gnaws anxiously at her lip as she paces the length of the passageway, sure that her silk slippers are about to wear a hole in the concrete floor from the amount of times she’s paced this hall. The nerves are sitting heavy in her chest, like a swarm of bees agitating her insides, and it’s taking everything within her to remain calm. She keeps replaying Edgar’s calm words in her mind; over and over.

 

“ _Try to relax, Cheryl. It’s all going to be okay. Toni will be a part of our family in no time at all_ ,” he had told her, his smile calm, his warm hands on her shoulders providing a comforting anchor as she struggled to remain grounded through her laboured breathing.

 

She’s still not sure if she believes him. Toni is opposed to the mere idea of the farm itself, let-alone the concept of becoming a member. No doubt she’s had one too many conversations with Cousin Betty about the alleged horrors that lie within these walls (even though, as of now, Cheryl’s yet to experience any of these supposed ‘monstrosities’).

 

Despite the fact that the farm has brought Cheryl nothing but unadulterated joy, the task of getting Toni to agree to come here today was a laborious one; yet one that Cheryl managed.

 

And so she’s standing here now, staring at the brown mahogany door that leads straight to Jason, excitement and anticipation and pure _anxiety_ gripping at her like an unrelenting vice. Jason and Toni are the most important people in her life. She’s never loved anyone as much as she loves them, and to have them meet?

 

That’s beyond anything Cheryl has ever dared to wish for. She just hopes Toni complies with Edgar’s rules, doesn’t try to pull anything scandalous that would undoubtedly be influenced by Betty Snooper and her obsession with detracting them all from their _healing_ at the farm.

 

“Sorry I’m late, babe, I couldn’t get my bike going.”

 

Cheryl feels a heavy exhale of relief leave her lips, some of the pressing weight lifting from her chest at the sound of Toni’s voice. Spinning on her heels, her face breaks out into a wide grin at the sight of her girlfriend, being led down the hall by Evelyn, an apologetic grimace on her face. As usual, Toni looks gorgeous, and Cheryl spares a moment to think about how she’s missed her.

 

After a second she simply shakes her head, wetting her lips as her smile grows. “It’s okay, TT. I’m just glad you came,” she says. Glancing to Evelyn, who acknowledges her with a warm smile, Cheryl drops her voice slightly, shifting on her feet. “I wasn’t sure you would.”

 

Toni sighs, stepping forward to peck Cheryl on the lips with a greeting kiss. “I wasn’t sure either, to be honest Cheryl. But…” Toni glances around the bare passageway they’re currently stood in, brow furrowing slightly as she takes in the bare interior. The stark emptiness of the former Sisters of Quiet Mercy used to bother Cheryl, but now she simply finds it relieving not to be surrounded by clutter or meaningless items; it gives her more space to breathe, think, _heal_ … “Well, for a number of reasons that I’m not too clear on just yet, this place seems to make you happy. So, I’ll give this all my best shot.”

 

“What a blessed attitude to have,” Evelyn comments, with a smile that Cheryl returns almost immediately. She catches the unusual look that Toni throws Evelyn, revealing a little distaste, or something of the kind, but Cheryl doesn’t think too much of it. Evelyn’s her fellow Farmie, and even _she_ finds the girl a little annoying a lot of the time.

 

Toni glances at the door to the left of them, the one Cheryl knows to be where they’ll soon see Jason, and then looks to Evelyn. “So, how does this work? Where do we, uh, see him?” she asks, shifting and crossing her arms over her chest. She looks a little uncomfortable, but Cheryl decides Toni’s probably just nervous, as she herself is.

 

“It’s not quite that simple,” Evelyn says, with a small chuckle, and Cheryl smiles too, shaking her head and squeezing Toni’s arm.

 

She tugs her girlfriend a little closer, placing what she hopes to be a comforting kiss to her cheek. “We have to start with a session with Edgar. Then he takes us to see Jason,” Cheryl explains, rubbing her hand up Toni’s arm. “Don’t be scared, though, TT. Jason’s going to love you.”

 

Toni turns to look at her with an unreadable expression on her face. Cheryl chooses to ignore it. Like she said: Toni’s just nervous.

 

*

 

They’re apparently ‘in session’ now, and Toni has the little wax earplugs that Betty had provided her with, securely in her ears. It’s not so much as to mute the surroundings so that she’s unaware, but just enough to muffle everything, dim out the surrounding sounds. Betty said that would be efficient to stop the effects of the hypnosis, and Toni thinks she was right, because in her peripheral she can already see Cheryl drifting into a weirdly zombified semi-conscious state.

 

Toni plays along as Edgar leads them down the now dark passageway and through the heavy mahogany door that she had joined Cheryl outside earlier. He sits them down inside, in two wooden chairs, and then leaves; locking the door of the chamber behind him. Toni does her best not to panic, because she’s not sure how aware Cheryl is and she doesn’t want to raise any red flags. She’s going to play the perfect role.

 

Tipping her head in Cheryl’s direction, she does her best not to allow herself to feel the guilt at the hazy yet excited expression on her girlfriend’s face. She doesn’t let herself think of how hurt Cheryl would be to know she’s simply pretending.

 

This is for Cheryl’s sake; Toni’s going to get her out of the clutches of this crazy _cult_.

 

“Jason!” Cheryl’s voice is slightly slurred and lagging, when she finally speaks, arms raising slightly to gesture towards the (very empty) wooden chair just across the room from them, but her arms drag as if they’re too heavy for her to hold them up. “I’ve missed you too, Jay Jay,” she continues, her cheeks glowing as a grin breaks out on her face, voice sounding more delirious with each word. Almost as if she’s drunk.

 

Cheryl lets out a laugh, as if in response to something, and Toni forces one out too, just in case she’s supposed to be laughing at the jokes of her girlfriend’s dead brother's non-existent ghost. “You know who this is Jay Jay. My girlfriend, Toni Topaz.”

 

Then Cheryl’s looking to Toni expectantly, and Toni has to remind herself not to freeze, not to slip up. Cheryl’s safety could be depending on this, she has no idea what other kinds of stuff take place within these walls. Now that she knows for certain that Edgar is hypnotising the farmies, there’s a number of other possibilities that she doesn’t even want to consider being true, of what else could be going on here.

 

“You… You see him, right, TT?” Cheryl asks, her voice trembling slightly in uncertainty, dark brown eyes suddenly wide and worried as she turns quickly to look at Toni. “You see him?”

 

Toni swallows harshly, giving a big smile and a nod. It’s impossible for her to do anything else when Cheryl’s giving her those eyes; those goddamn _puppy dog_ eyes. “Yeah, of course, Cher,” she smiles, nodding along as best as she can. “I’m so happy to finally meet you, Jason,” she speaks, slowing her words slightly, to mimic Cheryl’s lagging speech, ensuring her grin is big enough and convincing enough as she stares at the empty wooden chair before them.

 

“Did you hear that, TT?” Cheryl asks, after a few seconds, eyes glowing radiantly as she turns to look at her.

 

Capturing her lip between her teeth, Toni smiles and nods, glancing from her girlfriend to the empty chair. “Sure did, babe,” she responds, hoping it’s convincing enough.

 

It seems to please Cheryl, though. She fears girlfriend’s face may split in two with how widely she’s grinning. And then she’s launching herself at Toni and engulfing her in a massive hug. “Thank you for being here. Thank you for agreeing to come. This is all I’ve wanted for so long; for you to meet Jason,” Cheryl all but sobs softly into Toni’s shoulder, body slouching against her girlfriend’s in her ‘hypnotised’ state.

 

Toni doesn’t allow the guilt to get to her, doesn’t allow her smile to fall to let her doubt and fear shine through. She simply inhaled sharply, placing a kiss to Cheryl’s hair. “Of course,” she murmurs, squeezing her eyes shut as she hugs Cheryl back. “Anything for you… I love you so much, Cheryl.”

 

“I love you too, TT,” Cheryl sighs dreamily, as she turns back to Jason, face lighting up even more as she begins to talk away to her ‘brother’, speech still slightly slurred but she makes up for it with her enthusiasm.

 

Toni plays the part, she responds to ‘Jason’s’ comments, through Cheryl’s eager translations. She gives her girlfriend bright smiles every now and then, not once releasing her hand, and after half an hour or so, she lets Edgar lead them back to his office, not slipping up _once._ She’s proud of herself, sure, but she’s more focused on holding back her tears. More focused on breathing through the guilt, and fear for her girlfriend’s safety, and the pain she feels at the excitement in Cheryl’s eyes because - they’re going to have to rip that away from her.

 

She plays along, allowing Edgar to ‘snap them out’ of the hypnosis, and then thanking him as eagerly as Cheryl does before they bid him goodbye. Then she tells Cheryl that she needs to use the bathroom, and her girlfriend gives her a kiss on the cheek before allowing her to depart.

 

As soon as she’s checked inside all the stalls, Toni pulls her phone out of her pocket, dialling Betty’s number and waiting for it to ring. There’s a crackle as the line connects, and Toni feels a relief settling inside her; she _has_ to talk to someone about this, and Betty’s kind of become her confidant over the last week or so.

 

“Toni? How’d it go? Did you see Jason?” Betty’s voice cuts through the silence of the toilets, and Toni winces slightly at the string of questions, just briefly remembering why her and Cheryl had used to roll their eyes and laugh at Betty’s slightly irritating nature, but she pushes it away.

 

“It went fine. I… I used the earplugs like you said, and then Edgar led us to this room. Cheryl was convinced we were talking to Jason but… I saw nothing,” Toni can hear the hollow monotone in her voice as she speaks, but she can’t bring herself to snap out of it. She just feels so… drained.

 

She hears Betty sigh heavily, and then clear her throat. “Are you okay?” she asks, and Toni’s surprised at the question. She hadn’t expected an expression of concern or anything of the kind from _Betty Cooper._

 

“I… I don’t know,” she replies, honestly, still biting the inside of her cheek to keep her impending tears at bay. “I just feel like I’m lying to her; to Cheryl. Because I _do_ want to meet Jason, more than anything, but it’s not _possible_ and all of this farm crap, I- it’s utter bullshit, Betty.”

 

“I know, Toni. It’s a sick and twisted game that they’re playing at the farm, they’re hurting so many people, and… for what?” Toni hears Betty exhaling shakily, and she’s glad that the girl seems to understand to an extent.

 

Humming in soft agreement, Toni leans her weight against one of the sinks, running a hand through her tangled hair. “The good news is, I’m getting in. They’ll start trusting me soon enough, I’ll make sure of it,” Toni says firmly, and she _means_ it. She’ll stop at _nothing_ to get Cheryl out of this place.

 

“Toni, just please promise me you’ll be careful. Please promise that you won’t let them get to you too?” Betty says, and she sounds so desperate that Toni’s chest clenches in empathy for her. Betty has as much at stake as Toni does. “You’re my only hope just as much as I am yours.”

 

Swallowing, Toni nods, before remembering that Betty can’t see her. “I promise, Betty. Don’t worry - we’ll save them all, okay?”

 

As her mind shifts to thoughts of Cheryl, thoughts of her girlfriend’s bright smile, snarky attitude, affiliation for cuddles (all of which have been so _lacking_ over the last few weeks) Toni’s heart aches. She holds back the overwhelmed tears that are threatening to spill, biting down on her tongue to keep from making a noise.

 

Then Betty sighs, and Toni can almost see the reluctant grimace on her face. “I really hope you’re right… I really hope we can save them.”

 

For what it’s worth, Toni really hopes so too.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to leave comments!! my twitter is @chxrylblossomx


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